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If I Were To Open Up, Would You Have Replied Me As Below:

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October 7th, 2008
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I wonder…If i were to open up, would you have replied me as below:

Hey you..

You should get your act together! There are others who are in worst situation than you. You’re not as weak as you think you are, it’s normal to feel down, or under the weather once in a while…but to succumb to depression, well that’s just rubbish. That’s just an easy way out of not wanting to face the world. By the way, i havent been mean to you, i just havent replied to any of your prayers because you havent made any.

Come on now…think hard, think of all the good things and the good people around you, count your blessings. You have achieved quite something in these past months. Emotionally, you’ve surpassed what others expect of you. You’ve learn to forgive, you’ve learn to let go. You’re at peace.

You should know by now what triggers your emotional down turn. stop walking down memory lane, stop snooping into the lives of those who has touched your heart, stop with the ‘what if’. they’re happy, and i know you’re happy for them. please learn to make yourself happy, let others be happy for you. dont be selfish, let them feel how you feel - the blissful feeling of pure happiness of knowing others are happy…

Your self pity and being in the melancholic mode is not gonna get you anywhere. Yes, misery loves company, but it only works if you actually have the ‘company’ to torture. so, for your sake and for everyone else’s, be the person that you wanna be with.

As for your job, as tiring as it is, just dont give up. you’ve been thru worst. I know that you’re frustrated with the workload. just enjoy it as it’s all you have to blame at the moment. but once they take it away from you, you know you have nothing left to bitch about. why dont you just show them what they see in you that you were just to lazy to live up to.

Now, as much as you hate to admit, i know how you’re so into the ‘distraction’. she’s no longer a distraction, sadly she’s your addiction. you’re not even the real you at the moment. spare her the misery and the boredom of knowing the you that you dont even like. you cant even hold a decent conversation. Bet you’re ashamed for always having a ‘no substance communication’. I know this is gonna hurt, but you ARE getting kinda lame, and you you know why - you’ve been shutting yourself out from the world. You dont even know what’s going on in the world, you have gain no new knowledge to share or talk about. I hardly hear your favorite line “do you know that…”

Anonymous - UK

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Posted in Confessions

Please, Just Tell Me That When I Die, That I Won’t Go To Hell.

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October 6th, 2008
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Dear God,

As I read the posts of other people on Dear-God, I am struck by the simplicity of my emotions and wants. There are so many complex people and hurt people in this world that my problems are meaningless. After all, I live in a well-off family, go to a good school and have a few good friends. But I can’t appreciate my well-off family, I can’t like my school and I can’t bring myself to get any closer to my friends beyond the superficial. It’s like the old saying; you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Some days I think I’m fine. Am I? Help me to know if I am. Help my mother to feel better than she does. It kills me to see her like she is, and somehow it’s worse to know just what disease she has. Blessed ignorance, that’s what I wish for. Help me as well. I didn’t ask for this disease, either. What did I do? Have I done something that needs to be punsihed? I didn’t know I was that bad. I feel like a hypocrite; I’ve never had any real faith. Maybe that’s my logical side coming through. But I want to believe-I want to believe so badly. Forgive me for bieng attracted to my best friend-she doesn’t know and she probably never will. But I really don’t know what to do. I’m fake, I lie and I lie to myself. I hurt myself, I hate myself and I punish myself for mere memories that I recall at odd times of the day. Please, just tell me that when I die, either on my own terms, by some accident, or by mere old age, that I won’t go to hell.

Please tell me that there isn’t one.

Danielle - New Zealand

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Posted in Faith, _incoming

After 18 Years, My Husband Left Me And My Two Children.

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October 2nd, 2008
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Dear God,

I don’t know where to start. I feel so lost, destroyed and hopeless. After 18 years, my husband left me and my two children. I give you thanks because at least he tries to be in their lives as much as possible. But, dear Lord, I’m hurting so badly. I miss my husband …his friendship, his companionship, his sense of humor and his love for family. I know I really messed up my marriage with my attitude, anger, jealousy and my depression; but dear Lord, I’m sorry…I am truly sorry. Please touch my husband’s heart and soul that he come back home to his family and me. I’ve asked for his forgiveness and asked him to come back. He can’t seem to forgive me and I don’t blame him. I’m sorry dear Lord…I’m sorry.

Irene Sanchez, Riverside, CA USA

4 Comments »

Posted in Family

I Have Been Living A Lie For The Past 14 Years

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September 30th, 2008
700428_98766_dabdef1443_p.jpg Dear God,

I have so many dark secrets that I am too ashamed/scared to confess. But, I know that if I don’t get them out, they will eat me from the inside out. I have been living a lie for the past 14 years. To the world, I am this straight-as-an-arrow, put together woman with the perfect suburban life, the perfect marriage, the perfect parent. Not the case…not the case at all.

The first time I had sex, at the age of 14, was supposed to be with my boyfriend…only my boyfriend. Minutes after he took my virginity, he had his cousin come into the room and have sex with me as well. He had about 6 guys in the house waiting in line to have sex with me. I ran away after the third guy walked in the room. How could I be so stupid? I became spiteful towards men. I felt that they all just wanted to get in my pants. So, I decided to be just like them. I used men for sex. Some actually wanted a relationship with me, but I would tell them that the relationship was purely sexual…nothing serious. I estimate that the number of men I’ve slept with is probably around 35-40. I got lucky by not catching any serious STDs. I had one regretful abortion. I still think about him.

I married my husband 7 years ago. I told him I was a virgin. He still thinks that he is my “one and only”. I remained faithful to him until I caught him masturbating to porn. In my heart, he became just like all of the other men. Then, he started neglecting me to be with his friends…to go drinking with his buddies 3-4 times a week. I’ve cheated on my husband with four different men and one woman. Recently, I’ve been corresponding with a past fling. He claims that he loves me. They all say that. I don’t believe them. I’m not sure if I believe in love at all. I’ve contemplated leaving my husband for this man. Not because I love him, but because he’s a rich doctor. I know it’s not right. It’s selfish. I tell myself that I can learn to love him. But, can I?

The worst part is that I don’t really feel bad for any of this. I know that I should feel more guilt and shame. I do feel something, but not enough to make me stop. Lord, I need the strength to be a better person…to be a better wife and mother. I’m so weak minded and weak hearted. I know the devil is in me, but I can’t seem to do your will..

Not Worthy - Japan

9 Comments »

Posted in Confessions

In The Event of My Death

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September 30th, 2008
480724895_451830ea26_o.jpg In the event of my death I hope that I loved you, the way that you needed me to. I hope that I listened, when you needed me there. I hope that I knew you the way that you wanted me to. I hope to this day you knew that I cared. Lil - London

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Posted in Faith

I Hope You Can Hear Me And Help Me Feel Alive Again

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September 27th, 2008
behapy.jpg Dear God, I don’t remember the last time i was happy. I hope you can hear me and help me feel alive again. Everyday I am suffering and I don’t see an end to my darkness. I just want to be HAPPY. Aurora Mendoza - Los Angeles

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Posted in Hope

I Pray For A Global Revelation

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September 26th, 2008
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Dear God,

After reading many of the prayers posted on this site, I feel compelled to humbly submit that it is time for a revelation. I think the pain that many have caused in your name stems from foolish and distorted impressions of Scripture… distortions in fact often carelessly spread by men of the cloth. There is a fundamental truth that runs deep throughout Scripture but that has been missed or overlooked and I believe that this has led to many of the problems our world faces. God, I believe that once our time here on earth is complete, we will know the entirety of our lives in extreme detail. We will see and completely know every thought, word and deed of our entire existence. More than that, we will also know how each has affected every person in the world. And after this we will either feel guilt, shame and regret for the person we were or alternatively we will be at peace and feel content with the person we have been. At this moment we will either hear you say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” or not. The amount of guilt, shame and regret we feel will be the amount of which we are tormented in hell and the amount of peace and contentedness we feel will be the amount we can enjoy the abundance of heaven. You have given us a tool to help us arrive at this moment and feel peace, and that tool is your Scripture and the theology it holds. Children will quibble over the “reality” of your theology but these are fools who miss its true intention to help humans have a relationship with you, the divine and loving creative source of all things. You, who, absent of this theology, will forever remain out of reach for the vast majority of our human race. So God, if I am correct in the things I have said, I pray for a global revelation. I pray that the world awakens to these truths and that we approach Scripture and theology in a new way. If this happens, God, your truths will be propelled to a place in our hearts and minds that is out of reach of the skeptics and doubtful thoughts for theology will be returned to it’s righteous place and we will be focused on you, the destination to which theology strives to direct us. I suppose I could be over-simplifying things by not acknowledging some cosmic event that occurs each time a person declares their faith in Jesus. Or, I could be wrong in assuming that anything at all happens to any part of us after death. But what does it matter, if humans are inspired to treat others always in a manner with which they can confidently be at peace. This I believe is at the heart of ALL that Christ lived and died to teach us. In your holy name, Jesus Christ, I pray for this to occur before it is too late. Thy will be done, Amen  Seniah - California/USA

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Posted in Hope

I Just Pray That Everyone Could Feel ALIVE The Way I Do Now

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September 25th, 2008
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Dear God,

I’ve never felt more alive in my life. I’ve never felt this excited about living. I’ve been wasting all this time feeling bad for myself. But there’s so much to see and live for. I just pray that everyone could feel ALIVE the way I do now. We all deserve to. Maria - Philippines

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Posted in Gratitude

I Am Frightened That I Will Be Disfigured

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September 25th, 2008
nosejob.jpg Dear God, My entire life, I thought you could have done better. I thought, what you made with me, was flawed. I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I knew better and decided to fit your mistake. I went ahead and paid thousands of dollars to have bags of toxic-goop put into my body. I now realie that I need to have them taken out. Please, help me have the strenght to face my new reality, to appreciate my health, and to stay true to what is important in life. It would also not hurt, I suppose, to throw in that maybe a little miracle here would be great. I am frightened that I will be disfigured. MeMe - Los Angeles/USA

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Posted in Health

I Don’t Feel Valued. I Feel Lonely. And As I Tear Up, I Notice How Hurt I Feel

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September 25th, 2008
people.jpg God, I know that there are people out there who have bigger problems than myself, but I just don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t feel valued. I feel lonely. And as I tear up, I notice how hurt I feel. There is my best friend - she is gorgeous…model potential, she’s top of the grade, she’s friendly, nice, fun to be around, major hit with the guys. Then there’s me. For about a year in year 8 (now in year 11), I was known as the girl who hangs around ——–. I never had a problem with it. But now, I am just so sick and tired of it. I can honestly say that I work my butt off. I love my best friend and all, but seriously, she just sits back and gets it all! The teachers love her, the girls love her, the guys love her. It is just so frustrating to always come through second best, if that. But, thats not only why I feel the way I feel. I, just, I feel like no one understands how I am feeling. I have had mild acne for about 2 years but i’m on medication, and its practically gone now, but i do feel depressed, which is a side affect of this medication. I haven’t told anyone. I constantly feel sad…and I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. And that’s why I can’t tell anybody. I recently told this best friend that I felt like my life was falling apart…she asked me how…. I told her I couldn’t explain it, everything just felt really wrong….and she said nothing. Shouldn’t a best friend notice this? I am so bright and usually smiley-happy, and it’s like she doesn’t give a damn. Even a girl who i wouldn’t call a close friend asked me if I was okay…. I know my mum has noticed this, she hasn’t said she kows, but I know she knows….and she has been a great help, but I still feel this pain. God, can you please just help me get over this! Give something to me…something which I want, desperately. It’s just so unfair how someone with everything already is still getting more. Help me God, please. Anonymous - Australia

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Posted in Belief

Please Cure My Cancer

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September 22nd, 2008
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Dear God,

Please cure my cancer, keep it from spreading and in remission for many years. I have so much more to do with my life. I love you dearest god and all the holy saints.

Gabriella - NY/USA

8 Comments »

Posted in Health

So Here It Is, My Last prayer.

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September 16th, 2008
lifesaver.jpg Dear God, For years, I struggled with a faith that was forced on me by people without a clear idea of what it was you were. When they finally let go of their own faith, I was able to shed all forms of religion and man-made belief. I could pursue a career that had been completely banned; read books and watch movies without condemnation. I’m still trying to eradicate the last shreds of that overpowering control from my life. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself for everything that’s happened. It took me even longer to work up the courage to blame you instead. And now, it’s taking every ounce of me to just write this, to say that, while I never, ever want to be constricted by religion in my life once more, I want to stop hating you. I want to be able to walk past a church and not shudder; hear someone thank god for their success without internally mocking them. I want to be the person everyone believes me to be: accepting of everyone, from every culture and religion. I don’t want to boil with hatred at the act of recieving a religious pamphlet on the street. So here it is, my last prayer. Not that you change everything, not that you take away all the hurt that you’ve caused. But that I can move on with my life. Thank you. Anon/Australia

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Posted in Faith

I’d Like To Ask You if It Were Possible That I be Around A Little Longer

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September 8th, 2008
face.jpg Dear God I’d just like to ask you- If it were possible, That I be around for a little longer. I know you haven’t told me that you are taking me away. But, I thought I’d let you know that I’m not taking all this for granted anymore. Thank you for the simplicity. Like laughter. Dreams. And Love. Y’know, the big things Like night time, cotton bed sheets, feather pillows. Thanks for making Florida pink when the sun rises, the oceans mystical, and the stars far away enough to adorn our skies. Oh and that moment between sleep and the real world… Wondering what the day is going to bring, Or how my life has yet to unfold, Thanks for that moment of fresh, unadulterated Hope. I know sometimes I don’t listen very well. But thank you for sending me all the signs. And the angels who have guided me. I think you put me here for a reason, And I hope I don’t let you down by ignoring you. I pray for happiness, for everyone whom I have ever met. I pray that we all grow old beautiful and content. I pray when we’re all 74 and geriatrics, We’ll still be laughing the same way we do today. I know my life here is transitory, But while I am here for this short moment, I’d like to take the grand tour of your world, And hopefully when I check out, I’d have contributed more than I would have taken. Yours Truly.  Melchica, Malaysia

10 Comments »

Posted in Gratitude

There Are Several Things On My Mind. They Are As Follows:

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September 4th, 2008
sun.jpg Dear God, There are several things on my mind. They are as follows: - I feel like I am spending most of my time waiting for something. I want more than anything to know what that is. I feel like there is some great, unused, and wasted potential that I have not been able to tap thus far in my life. You’ve made me quite intelligent; this is a fact, not a boast. Sadly, though, for all this power of thought (and because of it), I have done nothing but coast through life, school, etc., with an attitude bordering on apathy. I have a biomedical engineering degree that led me to a decent job, where little can hold my interest. I am disgracefully underproductive at work, and I spend hours a day daydreaming of some great force or signal that will sweep into my life and show me what I am supposed to do with myself. I am becoming very afraid that my true talents are completely out of line with the career path I have chosen. I’ve had a strange longing lately to write something, though I have no idea what or how to go about it. - I want so badly to fall in love. I spent 2 years with a girl who I believe loved me utterly and completely. I could not fully return this love, no matter how much I wanted to. I was depressed and did not love even myself. She is the most caring, thoughtful, and loyal person I have ever met (not to mention one of the most beautiful); why could I not give her the love she wanted? I want to ask you for a woman I can love more than life itself, but I feel selfish and petty doing so. I am afraid my expectations and standards are unrealistic. - I am ashamed of my cynnicism and elitism. I feel like I am losing faith in humanity and see only the flaws and the ugliness in others. I am tall, handsome, and intelligent, of which I am both sinfully proud and ashamed. - I am struggling with my faith in you, and I am bombarded by doubt on all sides. I felt very close to you only a short time ago, when I believed that you helped me through a very difficult depression. I am ashamed of my ungratefulness and the rapidity with which I have neglected you. - I have more blessings than I can count, but I don’t feel fulfilled in the slightest. Instead, I am ungrateful and lost. This is not the same depression as before; I haven’t totally lost hope, but I still can’t find what I am looking for. I know this is a clumsy prayer, but I pray that you can gather the true meaning from my heart, restore my faith, and help me find what is is that I am so desperately looking for. Anonymous - Texas, USA

15 Comments »

Posted in Confessions

Help.. Or I Don’t Know..

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September 3rd, 2008
flowers.jpg Dear God, Ok, so I’ve had a super tough time. Here we go… 1. My baby sister had epilepsy & 3 holes in her heart and she has down-syndrome. So I guess shes spent more time in hospital then I’ve seen her [Ii guess]. 2. My best friend, the only person in the world I could trust in, has moved to the other side of the world. 3. My family isn’t rich and are having trouble. I can’t buy anything big, or anything. 4. I just had to move schools because of bullying, it’s happened again at my new school, on a website, from my only friends account. She said she got hacked.. ? 5. My emotions are out of control! I get angry and rude then nice and happy .. it’s really annoying and I’m getting in lots of trouble and my parents yell at me because of it. Help.. Or I Don’t Know.. Someone - Melbourne/Australia

11 Comments »

Posted in Stress

I’m 15, She’s 14 And Already We’ve Talked About A Future Together

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September 2nd, 2008
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Dear God,

I’m not really a religious person but I don’t care, I found this website and so I’m going to use it. My girlfriend lives 6 hours away from me on the train…the last time I saw her was yesterday and already its killing both of us not being able to see each other again soon. I’m so in love with her it’s unbelievable, I’m 15, she’s 14 and already we’ve talked about a future together, it’s just…wow. To think we spent all of sunday afternoon and sunday night and monday morning together and then I had to leave her, I can talk to her over the internet, on the phone, anything. But, I just can’t see her right now, I just want to be there with her, for her to be in my arms again once again. I want to go see her tomorrow but i’m only going to end up spending a few hours with her and I would but i don’t want to leave her again. My parents didn’t even know I went to see her, they thought I was at my friends. I love her so much and just want to see her again soon, but I can’t. And to think it’s only been maybe 36 hours ish since I last saw her…this is going to be one hard relationship. Tom - England

15 Comments »

Posted in Love

I Will Never Fit In Anywhere

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September 1st, 2008
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Dear God,

I’m not even sure if I believe in you but I’m so scared and I have to talk to someone who will just listen and not try to tell me it will all be alright, which is why I can’t talk to my counselor. I’m starting a new school in three days time and I’m so, so terrified because I know that I won’t fit in and will be teased and tormented like I was in my last school and I can’t even try to pretend that it will all be better because I’m certain that it won’t be. I’ve decided that if-when-this doesn’t work out I’ll just end it, because I will never fit in anywhere, I’m too horrible and wierd and freakish and stupid. Just try and make it better, if you can.

Amen.

Mary, London/UK

14 Comments »

Posted in Belief

Lonely & Seeking in London

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August 21st, 2008
ballon.jpg Dear ………..someone, anyone, you. Everyday I fail. Everyday I find hatred in myself. Everyday I try. Everyday I let myself down. Everyday I look for guidance. Everyday I seek solace. Everyday I am sad. Everyday I know tomorrow will be no different. I want to believe. I want to love. I want to win. I want to do better. I want to change. I want to be happy. I want to proud of myself. I want to know tomorrow will be different. I will continue to want change everyday…… Lonely & seeking in London

16 Comments »

Posted in Hope

I Blackmailed My Father

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August 19th, 2008
saveme.jpg Dear God, I feel weird, maybe its called guilt. My parents have on-going problems and are constantly at each other when I was younger. The thing is I didnt care. I just wanted them both to not wake up the next morning. I played them against each other and I did something terrible. Probably the worst thing I could ever do to them. I was in year 8 going onto year 9 in New Zealand. I was enrolled to go to an all girls school, Marist college but i didnt want too. I kept crying and begging her that I wanted to go to avondale college like the rest of my friends. I thought that she was just doing this to me because her life was miserable. I was desperate so I blackmailed my father in to convinving my mother to enrol me in to the school I wanted. I was only thirteen years old and i told him that he had until the next day to convince my mum or else I will tell her that he cheated on her….for the third time. It worked and I was so happy. I hated my parents and i didnt care. I was happy and they were miserable, now five years on I cant seem to be happy and cant shake the feelings of lonliness. I moved to Australia a few weeks into starting at my dream school. Now i hate myself- while at the same time hating my parents. Please god help me. TC Aplen - Queensland/Australia

10 Comments »

Posted in Confessions

I Refuse To Walk Back Into One Of Your Churches.

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August 19th, 2008
leavingch.jpg Dear God, I have your cross on my arm….. but I refuse to walk back into one of your churches. It has been over a year since I attempted to go to church again.. I made it to the door, and than turned around and walked away. I promise it is not you that I walked away from that night. It was all the judgment, and the holier-than-thou attitudes. I made the decision to level with people. To step off my pedestal and just be there amongst them. Just be me. Without any intentions of preaching to them, or changing them. That is what I did for the last year… I stopped being a Christian and just tried to love You, and others. I cannot say that I have been happy this year. Cause honestly, I really have not. You know the details. But it has been a real year, with real people. No one using me to please you. The people I have around me now are genuine, and when they help me… it is because they truly want to. Not because they are doing it to get points with You. So it has not been an astounding year, so what? It has been genuine. I have not read the Bible everyday, or really at all. There are things in it that I think of everyday… and of course i get chills. I still feel you. I know you are walking beside me. The other day I was sitting in a restaurant… and I knew you were there. I turned and looked at where your eyes would be. I just stared. It was so calming to look at you. That means something. That fact that I know you are there tells me that You still love me, even though I have left the church. So yes, you are on my arm. I love that you are on my arm. You are on my heart, and my mind. Your name is branded on my soul…. by me. Cause I want your name there. I love thinking of you. I promise I will always be following you. Just not back to them. Not to church. I know You are there too…. but the judgment kills me. Frankly, it turns me off, and makes me want to go make trouble. I do not want to do that either. Thank You for all you have taught me, I have learned so much. You bless me everyday. I am here, and I love You.  Bets - California/USA